She was somebody’s daughter – their pride and joy . . . a long time ago. She wrote this letter to her sister. The family included it in her obituary to shed light on addiction. They hope something in it will help someone else. It’s difficult to understand if we’ve never been in an addict’s shoes. We have no idea what it’s like for them.
I see five things here for parents of addicts to remember:
- Our child really doesn’t want to hurt us or cause us pain.
- It’s not fun for them. They don’t like how it feels to be addicted. They’re suffering too.
- They care more about us than they’re able to show.
- They tend to think we’d be better off without them.
- They need us to give them some hope.
Here’s their daughter’s letter:
“Funny, I don’t remember no good dope days. I remember walking for miles in a dope fiend haze. I remember sleeping in houses that had no electric. I remember being called a junkie, but I couldn’t accept it… I remember shooting up in the bathroom and falling at the park. I remember nodding out in front of my sisters kid. I remember not remembering half of the things that I did.
I remember … those days being so sick that I just wanted to end it. I remember the birthdays and holiday celebrations. All the things I missed during my incarceration. I remember overdosing on my bedroom floor.
I remember my sister crying and my dad having to break down the door. I remember the look on his face when I opened my eyes, thinking today was the day that his baby had died.
I remember blaming myself when my mom decided to leave. I remember the guilt I felt in my chest making it hard to breathe.
I remember caring so much but not knowing how to show it. And I know to this day that she probably don’t even know it.
I remember feeling like I lost all hope.
I remember giving up my body for the next bag of dope.
I remember only causing pain, destruction and harm.
I remember the track marks the needles left on my arm.
I remember watching the slow break up of my home.
I remember thinking my family would be better off if I just left them alone.
I remember looking in the mirror…not recognizing myself in my own damn reflection. I remember constantly obsessing over my next score…
But what I remember most is getting down on my knees and asking God to save me cuz I don’t want to do this no more !!!”
**May God do whatever it takes to save your child and give them a glimmer of hope today – hope that they can get sober; they can be set free from this awful bondage and not do this anymore. Hope that they can once again bring pride and joy to their loved ones, instead of pain.
I pray this Scripture will be fulfilled in their lives:
“Whoever is thirsty let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life” (Revelation 21:17).
Please check out our “Recommended Books” tab on our website for a listing of helpful resources. One we like is Addict in the Family.
And if you love or care about an addict (no matter what they’re addicted to) we encourage you to go to a support group. It helped us find our sanity again. Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, and Celebrate Recovery are great. Or let us help you or your church start a Hope for Hurting Parents support group! Request a sample of our material by sending us a personal message with your email address.