Today’s blog is from my friend and fellow parent on the journey, Sharron Cosby. A previous guest blogger, Sharron is the mom of a recovering addict and a published author. Her book, Praying for Your Addicted Loved One: 90 in 90, is a wonderful resource. She has an encouraging word for you no matter what your child’s issue might be.
“This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24 NIV
This verse holds special meaning for me when I recall the dark days of my son’s addiction. When the sun rose each morning, my first thought was, “I wonder what he’ll do today that could end his life.” I greeted the morning with dread instead of joy.
On October 8, 2009, I read Jeremiah 30 and 31. I read of God’s promise to restore and redeem and realized the verse in Psalms could be true. I could rejoice in the new day instead of dreading it. Why? Because “today” could be the one when my son made choices that led to recovery.
Today’s blog is from Reach Out Recovery; an Exclusive By Gail Dudley.
God’s Message To A Desperate Mom
“It doesn’t work that way.”
As a physician, I have treated many families with addiction problems and there is addiction in my own family history. But I didn’t see how bad my son’s addiction had become until I was crushed by it.
Josh Used Since 12 – My son, Josh, had been involved in drugs and the associated activity since around the age of 12. By the time he could drive there was nothing I could do to keep him in line.
Holidays hurt when a mom or dad doesn’t receive the love they long for from one of their children, especially on Valentine’s Day. The love holiday. For parents of rebellious, wayward children; of addicts and the mentally and emotionally unstable, or of any other behavior that brings them heartache, any holiday is a dreaded occasion.
Your sense of loss is huge. Overwhelmed with soul-pain, it cuts deep. Stabbing. Searing. Crushing wounds. Maybe you’ve sunken so low you’re unable to find pleasure in anything.
“Will I ever smile or laugh again?” you wonder.
You withdraw and socialize infrequently with family or friends. Every significant relationship has been effected including your marriage and relationships with your other children (if you have others). You’re obsessed with the need to control or fix. They resist, not wanting your help. Life becomes miserable. If you don’t take steps to care for yourself, you might even lose the will to live. You just want the pain to end.
When a holiday comes, your hurt intensifies. They shine a spotlight on your broken heart. You want them to go away – to hurry up and be over.
Is your pain increasing with Valentine’s Day right around the corner? Does it feel like someone poured salt in an open wound, reminding you of lost hopes and dreams?
If this describes you, I am so sorry. BUT, there are some things you can do to lessen your suffering.
These things helped me:
– Shift your focus from what you’ve lost to what you still have.
Your child’s in jail. They have an eating disorder. They cut and slash at their flesh, burn themselves and break bones. They’re addicted to porn, sex, drugs or alcohol. They’re in a relationship with the same sex. They suffer with depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, PTSD or an anxiety disorder. They’ve attempted suicide. You can’t understand how you got here. How could this happen? Where did you go wrong?