Does Your Child Self Harm? It Isn’t Just Cutting! Part 1

This is an informative, compassionate blog to help parents understand self-harm/self-injury and their children who struggle with it. It’s thoughtfully written by Stacy Flury, a mom who’s daughter was a cutter. She She understands. She gets it. She also offers some great resources. You can follow her at Anchor of Promise.Self-Harm: It Isn't Just Cutting - Anchor Of Promise

There is a show called, “Strange Addictions” that covers a huge gamut of self-prescribed addictive behaviors from licking the fur off of a cat and eating it, stinging yourself with bees or even sniffing/snorting moth balls. Although there were many other strange and peculiar self-harming addictions, some common factors stood out.

Many found their addiction as a way of coping with other issues in their life. Secondly, some of these types of addictions also suffered from other mental health disorders. When listening to their stories, they often mention a pivotal point in their life that triggered this issue.

So with this post, I would like to discuss some of the ways teen boys and girls utilize self-harm to help them get through everyday life. My hope is that it will bring some type of awareness of the very serious dangers of self-injury.

Three Things That Cause Hurting Parents to Isolate

praying2As I have journeyed down the road of being the mom of a child with addictions, self-injury, mental health issues, sexual trauma and suicide attempts most of the tine I traveled alone, in isolation. It’s a horrible time to withdraw, but that’s what we tend to do. Three things that cause us to stay to ourselves are embarrassment, shame and guilt. We can’t bear for anyone to know the truth. What would they think of us? Of our parenting? What would they think of our son or daughter? We want to protect ourselves. We want to protect them. We want to run and hide. We want to keep it all a secret. Shhhhh!!!!!! Don’t let it slip out!

Keep pretending your fine. But the truth is you’re dying inside. “Secrets keep us sick”. And alone.

A Party Invitation for Your Prodigal Child

Remember when your children were young and were invited to birthday parties? We’d go shopping together and selectkidsbirthday a fun gift for them to take. After several years I noticed my children began coming home from those parties with gifts, too. A prize they won in a game or a party favor; a thank you for coming.
Our children are all grown up now, but did you know they’ve been invited to another party? By God. Yep. And it’s the ultimate gift exchange. He invites them to bring their sins and He’ll give them His Son. What an offer! What an exchange! What a prize!
Lord, we pray our children will accept Your amazing invitation. Convince them it’s really true – that You love them enough to offer Your one and only son.
Their worst for Your best.
Their dirt for Your cleansing.
Their shame for Your forgiveness.
Their bondage for Your freedom.
Their emptiness for Your purpose.
It sounds too good to be true.
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No more guilt.
No more loneliness.
No more searching for a place to belong or for someone to really love them for who they are.
No more aimless wandering.
No more soul-suffering.I realize it sounds simplistic, but Jesus really is the answer and the solution for their lives. He’s the best gift ever – for them and for you.
062O Father, may today be the day our children respond to your invitation. Refute Satan’s lies that this offer is only for certain people and not for them. For those who are good enough, not for those who’ve fallen and failed. Help them believe Your offer still stands even though they’ve turned it down time after time, year after year.
You’re just as eager today as you were when You first asked them to come. Your arms are stretched out wide in an open welcome. How You long for them to be made whole, to simply say, “yes”. Come to the party and receive the ultimate gift, my child!
I pray with you for this prayer to be answered soon. While you wait, may your hope remain strong and please don’t neglect yourself. You are of great value and worth to your heavenly Father. He wants you to live in joy and peace, knowing He’s working where you cannot. Rest fully in Christ who knows what you will face today and in every tomorrow. Breathe in his fragrance; soak in his love. He is your sufficiency in all things. Amen.
This book will encourage you: Will Your Prodigal Come Home? by Jeff Lucas.

5 Ways for Parents to Cope with Unexpected Losses

The phone chimed unexpectedly.  “Dad? What’s up? I didn’t expect to hear from you until later.” What I was about to hear would shake my world. His voice was weak. He could barely speak. I held my breath. “Dena . . . honey”, he choked out, full of raw emotion. Then came the shocking news. My precious mom had died peacefully while getting ready to come go home from the assisted living facility. “Noooo!!!”

shock2Have you been on the receiving end of a call about your son or daughter that left you in shock?

I’ve had those kinds of calls about my daughter, too.

It felt like someone punched me in the stomach; like a rug had been pulled out from under my feet.

I felt nauseous. Stunned. Heartbroken.

I was in shock.

“It can’t be.” “I don’t believe it.” “It can’t be true.” “How could this happen?” “This has to be a bad dream.” “It’s unreal.” “It’s not possible.”

When a Parent Feels Guilty

In my last post I promised that I would share a sample of one of the daily emails I send out. The one I chose is from this past fall. I hope it will help you decide if you want to sign up to receive my emails.

Do you struggle with guilt? I used to struggle with it a lot. I still do at times. It can be a monkey on your back that won’t let gomonkey on back until you take it before God and deal with it. Only He can remove it completely.

Here are a few thoughts on the subject from one of our support group sessions:

We tend to examine our parenting record, looking for that moment, that mistake that flipped the switch on our relationship. Why? Because guilt is one of the biggest tricks in the devil’s arsenal.