*Today’s post is from my dear friend and fellow blogger, Judy Douglass. This is part of a series she wrote in 2011 on grace. She writes to Lovers of Prodigals – that’s every brokenhearted parent (and that includes her) and all who love those who are far off from God. Read and enjoy her words of wisdom. She titled this devotional, “Grace Stoops”.
Dear Lover of Prodigals,
God’s grace has stooped to reach us.
“We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.” (Romans 5:7-8,MSG)
Do you realize how far God had to stoop to pour out His grace on us?
My husband pointed out to me early this morning that I made an error in last night’s post! I wrote that the U.S. team lost the game in the World Cup yesterday. That was wrong! The game ended in a tie! It felt like a loss, I guess. I wanted to correct my mistake for those soccer fans who would notice. I guess that’s pretty telling, too. Sometimes setbacks feel like losses, even though they aren’t really. But they can sure feel like it!
Are you a soccer fan? Have you been watching any of the World Cup games? My family is pretty big soccer fans. I’ve seen a number of the World Cup games recently. We watched the U.S. play this evening. As I’ve watched the games, it occurs to me that there are some similarities with what takes place in these events and brokenhearted parents.
Parents whose children are abusing alcohol or drugs, addicted to porn, have same-sex attraction issues, struggle with self-injury, are constantly in trouble with the law, are currently incarcerated ,or struggle with mental illness are in the midst of ongoing event; the result of their struggle will affect the quality and outcome of their very lives.
*Today’s blog is written by Debbie Haughton, a licensed mental health counselor who is on our Hope for Hurting Parents Board. She will explain what EMDR is and how it could help your child.
It’s difficult for a parent to see their son or daughter struggle and rebel. Some rebellion turns into drug and alcohol use, casual sex, and sometimes breaking the law. Parents feel powerless over what to do. Usually when a son or daughter is angry, belligerent, shutting down, unmotivated, or lashing out it usually means they are unhappy with themselves.
One of the best ways to help this situation is to provide counseling.
A very effective method that can be used to help someone who is stuck like this is called EMDR. I use this approach with 90% of my clients because they get better faster and really get to the root of their issues more easily.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) is a great tool to help our sons and daughters get better.
Heavenly Father, please heal the hearts of every earthly father who reads this today. Father’s Day can be so hard. It reminds them of their pain and losses – of what they don’t have anymore. Their children’s choices, behaviors and issues changed everything. They’ve been crushed. Broken.
They were their son’s first hero. Their daughter’s first love.
Pride keeps them from being honest about their feelings – with themselves or anyone else. They’ve got to be strong. Hold everything together. They’ve struggled to keep up a front that they’re okay, when inside they’re dying. But no one knows. No one but You, Lord.
Help them forgive themselves for not being perfect. Remind them no one is. Convince them it’s really true. They feel so responsible. So guilty. So angry.
Are you a mom or dad who is so frustrated, angry, and fed up with your son or daughter you wish you could quit being their parent? You don’t want the job any more. You want to runaway like they have, or have threatened to do. You want to wave a white flag, throw in the towel, and say “I give up!” “I quit!”
I have. Some days were so hard with my daughter when she was struggling with addictions, cutting, and mental health issues I wanted to run away.
But we can’t quit . . . I suppose we could. Some parents have. You may know a few.
Borderline Personality Disorder. Has your son or daughter been diagnosed with this brain disorder or have you wondered if this is the explanation for what is going on with them? Have you felt at a loss for how to cope – how to help? Have you struggled to get your own life back? This book can help.
Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger. The subtitle is: Taking your life back when someone you care about has Borderline Personality Disorder. The title describes exactly what it feels like, doesn’t isn’t it? I think it’s the same with any mental health issue.
If these describe your situation, then this book is for you:
- You feel anything you say or do will be twisted against you.
- You find yourself concealing thoughts and feelings to avoid horrible arguments.
- You’re often the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages, alternating with period of when they act normal and loving.
- You feel manipulated, controlled or lied to.
- You feel as if someone alternately views you as all good or all bad.
- Does no one believe you when you explain what is going on?
Today’s post is from guest blogger, Dr. Vanessa Rojas, a Christian counselor in Orlando, Florida. She is the founder of The Vida Center (thevidacenter.com). She will address a question often asked, “What makes Christian counseling different?”
If you are a Christian parent and you or your child needs counseling help, you may have asked yourself this question. Does it really matter? How different is it? Dr. Rojas will shed some insight on this issue for you with 7 points.
Dr. Rojas says, “I’m often asked that question when I tell people I do Christian counseling. Here are just a few factors that I think make Christian counseling different:
1) A Christian counselor understands your Christian values and worldview.
You want to work with someone who “gets you” and understands why you want to live your life according to God’s principles. You do not want to have to spend time explaining why you do not engage in certain behaviors or activities or why you want to stop engaging in certain behaviors or activities that many secular therapists may see as totally acceptable.