“Mom, dad, there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time”, you shudder with dread over what you’re about to hear, “but, I didn’t know how. I was afraid of how you might react.” Oh, no. “This may be hard for you, and I’m so sorry, but – I’m gay.”
You felt like the wind was knocked out of you. Life as you knew it ended. Hopes and dreams were shattered at your feet. Desperate to find answers and help for what to do next, you didn’t know where to turn. It’s a difficult, isolating, and painful path. Many mystified parents are walking it today.
If this has happened to you – or you suspect your child has some tendencies in this direction – you’ll want to read this blog. These insights were shared by a dear friend and sister in Christ, a former Lesbian for 23 years, who God brought out of the gay lifestyle. She shared these things with our parent support group to encourage bewildered, grieving moms and dads who are facing this situation with their son or daughter.
10 Insights From a Former Lesbian:
1) THERE IS HOPE! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Through love and prayer God can do a miracle in your child’s life.
2) Men and women who have a sexual addiction need to experience God’s unconditional love.
3) Homosexuality, pornography, and other sexual addictions are intimacy disorders. An Intimacy Disorder is not having a clear understanding of who you are, therefore you’re unable to know how to relate to someone of the same or opposite sex.
4) Homosexuality is the result of some form of sexual abuse or trauma; something that happened when the person was young, but not in every case. Sometimes it’s from a wounding in the relationship with one of their parents. These men and women don’t know how to relate to the opposite sex in a healthy way. They need to discover who God wants them to be.
5) 50% of American Christians admit they have a sexual addiction. (If this many admit they have a problem, imagine how many more struggle with something in this arena!)
6) People involved in the same-sex lifestyle like to be called either gay or homosexual, even lesbian is okay. It depends on the person.
7) Most gays use a lot of pornography. Use tends to progress and increase when under more stress. Do what you can to restrict use if your child lives in your home, especially if they’re under eighteen. Take them to a counselor; purchase programs to block them from certain sites.
8) When asked whether or not to attend the wedding of your child to a same sex partner: Pray a lot and ask God to tell you what HE wants you to do, while you stand firm on the Bible’s teaching. She felt this was not a black and white issue – to attend or not attend?
9) Show God’s love unconditionally – not condoning the choice of lifestyle or behaviors, but demonstrating acceptance and love; create a safe place where they know they can talk to you and be supported no matter what. This is crucial.
10) Pray for solid Christian friends who will be there when they’re ready to “step out” of the lifestyle. They need a strong community to support them and hold them accountable.
What moved her to make this change and come back to God? She began to feel a void in her life. During a family crisis, she noticed her sister had a strong, supportive, loving community from her church. She realized she didn’t have this and she wanted it in her life, too. She started going to church and it was God’s love – shown through the body of Christ – that made the difference. Their loving acceptance brought her out of the lifestyle. In time, she rededicated herself to Christ and He slowly changed her. He gradually fashioned her into the very feminine woman she is today.
May God encourage you, show you how to pray, and strengthen you to hold on to hope. May He work in your child’s life as He did in my friend’s. Nothing is too hard for Him! Unconditional love can make the difference. Please, Lord, show us how to love our children. And send others into their lives who will love them into Your kingdom.
A few books that helped my friend are:
The Sacred Romance, John Eldredge
Love is a Choice by Hemfelt and Minirth
Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend
Codependent No More and others on co-dependency; this is a big problem in the gay community.
**We’d love to hear from you. If you are dealing with this issue with one of your children, what’s helping you? What resources have you found? Please share in comments to help others on the same journey. We really do need each other.